


The Leasing Process

by Tzaphkiel



Series: A New Lease On Life [1]
Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ADHD, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Animal Dissection, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Issues, Bad Parenting, Child Neglect, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Has Issues, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has Issues, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has Issues, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has Vitiligo, Deceit | Janus has hypothyroidism, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gross facts, Hurt/Comfort, Hypomania, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Issues, M/M, Mania, Morality | Patton Sanders Has Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Separation Anxiety, Sexual Abuse, Short Deceit | Janus Sanders, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Suicide Attempt, Tall Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Tall Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, but it does get better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tzaphkiel/pseuds/Tzaphkiel
Summary: You only live once.  That’s true.  That’s the fact that Virgil Frost has lived by.  He reassured himself that no matter how bad his life was, he only had to go through it once.You only live once.  Janus Verity reminded himself of this every single day when he woke up.  He knew one day it would all stop.  He had to, how else was he going to get through?You only live once.  Every evening, after every awful day, Remus Bayard would look in the mirror and say it to himself.  He needed to remember.You only live once, but that once is full of twists and turns, both positive and negative.  These three men all knew the twists, though they rarely experienced the positive ones.  Through years of pain and brutality, three different minds thought one identical thing.  It would all be over soon.  But that thought began to change when they met in a little café on their college campus.You only live once, but sometimes that once isn’t as bad as it seems.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Thomas Sanders Shorts Anxiety Character | Andy Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Lauren (Cartoon Therapy), Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: A New Lease On Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865743
Comments: 27
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

_Thursday, October 19_

“I have one iced black coffee for… Virgil?” Virgil’s head snaps up when he hears his name, and he walks up to the counter to quietly thank the barista and take his cup. He sits down in a booth in the corner farthest from the door, waiting silently for his new tutor to arrive. He opens his messages again to check for the fifth time what _exactly_ this ‘Janus’ person’s car looks like.

> _I’ll be arriving at approximately 2:25 PM in a grey Shelby GT350_ 2:05 PM

He glances up when he hears the doorbell jingle, seeing a very _tall_ man holding the door for a shorter one. Through the front window, Virgil sees a grey muscle car in the parking lot. He raises a hand meekly upon noticing the men looking around, the taller one noticing him first and swatting his companion before pointing to Virgil in the corner. They walk over, sitting down in the booth with Virgil.

“Hello. You must be Virgil?” the shorter man begins, waiting for Virgil to nod before continuing. “I’m Janus, I’ll be tutoring you this afternoon. This is Remus.” Janus gestures to the tall man. “He’s here because-”

“Because I was already in his car and he was late anyway so here I am,” Remus blurts out, fiddling with some bracelets on his wrist. Virgil is startled by the outburst, flinching slightly.

“Yes. Is this arrangement alright with you, Virgil?” Virgil nods slowly. He pulls a purple spiral notebook from his bag, accompanied shortly after by a packet of papers. He passes the papers to Janus, who looks through them quickly.

“Oh, calculus! I’m taking that next semester,” Remus mutters upon glancing at the packet. Janus shoots him a look. Remus ducks his head and pulls his phone from his pocket, unlocking it quickly and becoming absorbed in the screen.

“Okay then,” Virgil says quietly. He looks to Janus, who is holding a pen and the packet.

“So, what do you already know in this packet, Virgil?” Virgil takes the packet and flips it open. On the first page, Virgil marks off numbers 1-3. He continues flipping through, stopping occasionally to cross off numbers. Sliding the packet back to Janus, he says, “It’s been a while since I took a math class, sorry. I crossed off anything I knew how to do myself.” Janus nods, glancing over the crossed off numbers.

“Alright. You know how functions work, but their graphs appear to be an issue. We can-”

“Holy fuck, you drink black coffee?” Remus exclaims, interrupting Janus. Virgil jumps in his seat, shrinking into his jacket. He nods, sliding his cup towards himself. Janus scowls at Remus, who returns to his phone after pulling a pencil and notepad from his jacket. Virgil watches him for a moment, wondering what he’s doing.

“Anyway, back to function graphs,” Janus says, shaking his head.

* * *

Virgil’s phone buzzes and he glances down at it. The screen displays a text notification from Andy.

 _ > where the fuck are you? _3:33 PM

Virgil’s face turns stony and he looks up to his tutor.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you here again next week?” Janus nods slowly, looking confused. Virgil packs his stuff quickly and rushes out of the café. Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he unlocks his car and drives away.

Virgil arrives at his dorm in a record five minutes. He races up the stairs, knocking on their door twice. Andy flings the door open, grabbing Virgil by the collar and pulling him through the doorway.

“Where the fuck were you? Slutting it up downtown again?” Andy asks, rage poignant in his tone. Virgil looks to the floor, trying to avoid eye contact.

“No, sir. I was at the café-”

“With that barista! I’ve seen the way he looks at you! The way you look at _him_ ,” Andy shouts. Virgil flinches, regretting his choice the second Andy’s grip tightens even more.

“I don’t even know him, An-” Virgil is cut off by Andy slamming him onto the door.

“Try again, bitch,” Andy snarls.

“Yes sir. I’m sorry sir. It won’t happen again, sir,” Virgil pleads, fear roiling in his stomach.

“That’s what you said last time,” Andy says, raising his hand and clenching it into a fist. Virgil closes his eyes and waits for the hit. He doesn’t have to wait very long. When a second hit doesn’t immediately follow the first, Virgil opens his eyes to see Andy’s apologetic face. He lets go of Virgil, backing away.

“Sir?”

“I’m so sorry, baby. I- I don’t know what happened. I promise it won’t ever happen again, I was just so scared I was losing you,” he trails off. He holds his hand out to Virgil. “Baby, will you come sit with me? I picked up a movie for this evening.”

“Of course, sir,” Virgil says quietly. Andy guides him to the couch, curling around him while starting the movie. Virgil wishes he could just go to bed, but he knows asking for anything from Andy will result in a real beating.

Virgil only enjoys the first ten minutes of the movie, as Andy begins pressing kisses on his neck. He does his best not to tense up, but Andy doesn’t notice a change. The movie ends after an hour and a half, and Andy stands up from the couch. He extends a hand to Virgil, who accepts it and follows him to their beds.

“Baby, I’m so sorry about earlier, let me make it up to you?” Andy says. _No, no no nononono I don’t want this. This is bad, no please, not again._ Of course, Virgil only nods in agreement, letting Andy do as he pleases.

Virgil hits the bed with a thump as Andy strips the clothes off of both of them. Virgil tries not to think about the hands skimming up his sides, trailing across his chest, running down his thighs. He tries not to think about the mouth on his skin, leaving bruises to match the black eye he’s sure is forming. He blacks out when he feels Andy going a step further.

When he comes to again, everything from his waist down is sore and Andy’s asleep next to him. It only takes a few minutes before he can get out of the bed and go towards the shower for his inevitable attack.

After making a quick stop in the kitchenette to grab the steel wool, Virgil climbs into the shower. He decides to set the water at full heat, letting it turn his skin red before he gets to scrubbing. Ten minutes later, Virgil’s skin is burning and the water is running red. He stands under the water until it runs cold, then waits until he begins shivering and his skin turns purple. When standing becomes too difficult, he sits down under the spray and sobs.

 _Why does this keep happening? Why can’t I just find someone who really cares? Why do they only want me for what I can give them?_ he thinks, rocking back and forth. _At least it’ll be over soon_.

When the water runs clear again, Virgil turns it off. He sits on the floor, waiting for the tears to stop before he crawls out of the tub. He grabs his towel and dries off carefully, avoiding the raw spots. He slides on his sweatpants and hoodie, walking quietly towards the door. He knows Andy won’t wake up until Virgil’s supposed to be in his morning lecture.

He shuts the door quietly, creeping down the hall and up the stairs to his friend’s dorm. Knocking softly, Virgil waits outside. Roman opens the door momentarily, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Virgil? What’s going-” Roman looks over Virgil “-on. Oh, Virge. Come in, please,” he says, taking in how Virgil is holding himself and shaking. He steps inside and Roman closes the door quietly. “Do you need a hug or…” Virgil shrugs, and Roman guides him towards the couch. “Do you wanna, like, talk about it?”

“No. I just- Can I please stay here?”

“Of course. Do you want to take a bed? Lo’s working tonight, so he had permission to be out.”

“I have a calculus lecture at eight, are you sure you want me on that side of the dorm when my alarm goes off?”

“It’s fine, I’ve got a class at eight too, so it works out.”

“Okay,” Virgil says slowly. He stands up and walks towards the beds. “Which am I taking?” Roman points to the bed on the left, sitting down on the one on the right.

“Do you need clothes or are you good?”

“I’m fine. Thank you, sir.” Virgil stops, looking cautiously up at Roman. Roman doesn’t appear to be upset, only sad.

“Virge, you don’t need to do that here. I’m just Roman. I promise you’re safe.”

“Oh,” Virgil breathes. “Okay, Roman. I- I’ll try. Thank you.” Ever so slightly more at ease, Virgil slowly climbs into the bed. He feels bad about watching Roman, but the last week has been too stressful for Virgil to try and mask his anxiety. If Roman noticed him watching, he didn’t say anything.

Roman walks into the bathroom with a pair of shorts and a tank top, returning with clothes on and robe off. Virgil’s certain that this isn’t what Roman usually wears when he sleeps, but he appreciates that Roman is trying to make him comfortable. He watches as Roman gets into bed, and waits for him to fall asleep before trying to go to sleep himself.

* * *

_Friday, October 20_

Virgil wakes up to the smell of eggs from the small kitchenette across the dorm. He slides out of bed, padding silently over to the light switch. _Andy must be in a good mood this morning, he seemed really mad last night, though._ Virgil flips the switch after fumbling for a moment. He turns to see someone significantly taller than Andy standing over a portable stove.

“Who the _fuck_ are you and what the fuck are you doing in my dorm? Where’s Andy?” The figure at the stove drops their spatula and spins around. 

“Virgil, it’s me! Roman! You’re safe, I promise!” Virgil exhales and walks towards Roman.

“I’m sorry, I forgot where I was,” Virgil says, sinking onto his knees. Roman looks at him, confused. He suddenly realizes what’s happening when Virgil reaches up.

“Holy shit. Virgil, stop,” Roman exclaims. Virgil jumps, dropping his hands.

“I’m sorry. Did you want me not to use my hands?”

“No! Vir-” Virgil looks up from his position on the floor.

“Apologies. How do you want me?” 

“Virgil, what are you talking about?”

“I made a mistake. How should I make it up to you?” 

“Holy fucking hell. Virgil, stand up,” Roman says. Virgil stands quickly.

“I’m sor-” Virgil is cut off when Roman tackles him in a hug. Virgil doesn’t expect it and falls, Roman crashing down on top of him.

“Shit, I’m-” The door clicks and opens.

“Roman, Lolo sent me to make sure you were up. Am I interrupting?” a voice says from the doorway.

“Hey Pat, tell Lo I’m awake. Can you come back later, something came up,” Roman says easily. Virgil squirms under Roman, straining to see who’s at the door. “Virgil, stop moving,” Roman mutters. The door slams shut and Virgil flinches.

“I’m going to leave now, have a nice day!”

“Bye Pat!” Roman looks down at Virgil. “Now, will you please explain what the _fuck you’re talking about_?” Virgil nods.

“I messed up, so I have to pay for it.” Roman sighs.

“Okay, I’m going to get up now, the eggs are most definitely done by now, and we’re going to get someone in here with some semblance of psych training.” With that, Roman rolls off of Virgil and returns to the stove. Virgil stands slowly and walks to the table. He sits in one of the chairs and watches as Roman pokes the eggs, shrugs, flips them onto two plates, and pulls out his phone. A few taps later, Roman pockets his phone and brings the plates to the table.

“What was that about?”

“I texted Patton, the guy who came in earlier. His roommate is a psych major, and close to our age. I figured you could use someone to talk to,” Roman explains.

“Oh. What did Patton say?”

“His roommate didn’t come home last night, apparently. Poor guy’s gonna have a search party up his ass. Hope he’s okay, though.”

“Ah. In that case, I’ll probably head to my lecture. What time is it, anyway?” Virgil checks his phone. “Fuck, it’s ten already! Why didn’t my alarm go off?”

“I turned it off when I woke up this morning. You were really upset last night, you needed the rest.”

“But my lecture-”

“No buts. I got my roommate to swing by and grab notes from your lecture. He’ll drop them off with me on his way to work, you don’t have to interact with anyone you don’t know. You can stay as long as you’d like, the RA owes me a favor anyway.”

“Thanks for all of that. I can’t stay, though. I have to go back to my dorm or Andy will get mad.”

“Oh. Well, if you ever need to stay here again, the door is always open. Literally. Lo locks it but he doesn’t know I left a key behind the painting in the hall.”

“Oh my God that’s a horrible idea, anyone could break in-”

“No, it’s alright, Virgil. What with the tape system, no one can really get in or out-”

“Shit! The tape! Andy’s going to know I left-”

“No he’s not. I went and took the tape off of your door this morning, so it would look like you did it this morning when you left for calc.”

“Thank you, Roman. Thank you for all of this. It means a lot.”

“No problem, Virge. It’s important that you’re safe.” Virgil stands up, turning towards the door. Roman reaches out and grips his hand. “Virgil, let me help with the cuts before you leave. Please.” Virgil turns around, lifting his free hand to his face.

“I didn’t know I had a cut, I thought it was just bruising.” Roman stands, letting go of Virgil’s hand. He steps into Virgil’s space, setting a hand gently on his face. Virgil stiffens, but Roman leaves his hand, turning Virgil’s head to view the bruise. He lifts Virgil’s bangs, taking in the full effect of it.

“God, Virgil, what did he do to you,” Roman whispers, removing his hands and going towards the bathroom. Virgil watches in confusion.

Roman returns a moment later with a small white box. Virgil raises an eyebrow, sitting down when Roman glances at the chair.

“I got our first aid box. And I have some foundation if you need it. Where did he hurt you?” Virgil raises his hand and gestures to his face. Roman nods.

“So, what’re you going to do to my face?” Virgil asks.

“I’m going to treat the cut and then I’m going to get you an ice pack and we’re going to see what we can do for that bruise. That sound good to you?”

“Yeah, that sounds alright. Thank you again, Roman.”

“Shh, stop moving your face. I’m going to treat the cut now.” Virgil stops moving, allowing Roman to dab gently with a dampened washcloth and spread antibacterial cream over it. “Is this okay, Virge?”

“Yeah, I’m used to the sting.”

“I’m sorry, Virgil. Let me get you some ice.” Roman gets a bag and fills it with ice before returning to the bathroom to retrieve a towel. Virgil pushes his sleeve up to check the cuts on his arm, and is too absorbed to notice Roman’s return. Roman drops the ice pack.

“Roman? What’s-”

“What happened to your arm? Virgil, did he do this? Or…” Virgil looks down.

“I did it.” Roman sinks into the chair next to Virgil.

“Okay, with what?”

“The steel wool from our kitchen sink.”

“Shit. Was it clean, at least?”

“No, it was the last in the pack and we hadn’t gotten more yet. We’d been using it for two weeks at least.”

“Fuck. Okay. Virgil, I need you to show me everywhere that you broke skin.”

“What? Why?”

“The particles in steel wool can cause infection. My brother- My younger brother got a cut once from steel wool. Mom and Dad had to take him to the hospital. I was so scared,” Roman trails off, his eyes going cloudy. “I miss Re. He always made me laugh.”

“What- What happened to him?” Roman clears his throat.

“He died, I guess. Mom and Dad dropped me off at school one day but kept Re in the car. I haven’t seen him since then. When I asked Mom about it she said Re was really sick. She said he had to go. Dad said they dropped him off at the hospital and when they got back after picking me up from football practice he was gone. I didn’t ever think Re was sick. But Mom and Dad always told us we were lucky to be alive because we were premature, and when I looked it up a year or two later, I found out a lot of preemies born as early as we were have permanent health problems, so it would make sense I guess. Anyway. Back to your cuts. You’ll probably need to take your clothes off, sorry V.” Virgil shudders, but pulls his hoodie off carefully. Roman gasps.

“What?”

“Two things. First thing, your entire first layer of skin looks like it was scrubbed off. Second, you’re jacked, bro.”

“Oh. Uh, Andy doesn’t like how much I used to work out, so I’ve lost a decent amount of muscle mass. He said I attracted too much attention when we went out in public, so I only get to work out once a week or so and only for an hour. And the scratches. Do you really need to know how exactly those happened?”

“Not if you don’t wanna tell me.”

“I’ll tell you later, if that’s okay.”

“Of course, Virgil. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Thanks.” Roman nods, rubbing a damp washcloth gently over the cuts on Virgil’s arms.

Five minutes later, both men are glancing uncertainly at Virgil’s torso. Roman raises an eyebrow at Virgil, reaching out with the cloth. Virgil turns his head, closing his eyes when Roman touches his chest. Roman moves quickly, and is careful when he brushes over any bruising, unsure of what is and isn’t a bad spot. Virgil’s hand flies up to grab Roman’s wrist when he strays too close to a long scar above his navel. 

“I’m sorry-”

“Sorry, I-” Roman and Virgil say together.

“You first,” Roman says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry, I’m really sensitive about that scar. It’s from a really bad injury when I was a teenager. Certain things touching it bring back memories I’d rather not relive.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’ll avoid it or get something else, if you’d like,” Roman offers. Virgil shrugs.

“Avoiding it would be fine, I didn’t scratch there.” Roman nods, resuming cleaning but avoiding the scars. They sit in awkward silence when Roman walks around to begin cleaning the scratches on Virgil’s back.

“Do you mind if we talk while you do that?”

“About what?”

“Anything you want. Your brother, maybe? If that’s okay?”

“We can talk about him. What do you want to know?”

“What was he like?”

“He was chaotic. I remember him sticking so many crayons up his nose that Dad had to take him to the ER because no one could get them out.”

“How old was he, four?”

“Nah, he was eight. It was three weeks before… Yeah.”

“Oh. Wait, he was eight and shoved crayons up his nose?”

“Yeah. And marbles. And some batteries one time. And I think he stuck a quarter up there once. Plus he ate so many random things that resulted in a trip to the emergency room. Deodorant, air freshener, a bottle of lotion, three tubes of sunscreen, a battery, the entire compost pile behind our neighbor’s house.”

“Roman, no disrespect to your brother, but I have met legitimate crackheads who were less weird.” 

“He wouldn’t take offense, he’d be flattered.”

“That’s… A mood, honestly. How big of a gap was there between you two?”

“Twenty-one days. We were twins.”

“Those are two contradictory statements. How did that happen?” Roman set down the washcloth and picked up the antibacterial cream.

“I was kind of a bitch and decided to be born at twenty-six weeks and four days. Re and I were fraternal twins, so they were able to stop him from being born. He was born three weeks later anyway, but got to leave the NICU first.”

“Oh my God, you would.”

“Hey now, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You have a flair for the dramatics, Roman. Of course you would be born so early you had to stay in the NICU for over three weeks.”

“Ouch, Virge. Low blow,” Roman snorts. Virgil chuckles in response.

“I’m not wrong, you know I’m not.”

“I mean you’re not but you don’t have to say it.” Roman walks around to Virgil’s front, gently rubbing the antibiotic ointment on the scratches on his chest.

“Do you- Do you miss him?” Roman looks down, and Virgil immediately feels bad. “You don’t have to-”

“I miss him so much. He was my best friend. He protected me from bullies because I was flamboyantly gay even then. Mom thought I might be gay and when she tried to bully the information out of me, Re came to the rescue. I wish he had been there when I really did come out. Mom and Dad were far from accepting. Of course, when I pulled the card of “What would you have said to Re?” they said “Probably the same fucking thing.” They always said Re was a disappointment, which is such an awful way to talk about your son. They gave me a bottle of ashes, I take it with me every time I move. I also have a necklace with some ashes that I wear all the time. Hey, looks like we’re done except for bandaging it and icing your bruises.”

“No, I have scratches on my legs too. But I’ll do that on my own, I’m not-”

“Oh yeah, that’s totally fair.” Roman hands Virgil the antibiotic ointment, a roll of bandages, and the stack of washcloths, pointing him towards the bathroom.

Virgil puts the toilet lid down and sits. He dampens a washcloth and begins cleaning the scratches gently. Based on the clattering noises coming from outside the bathroom, Roman’s cleaning up the kitchenette.

“Hey, Virge? We’ll need to put clean dressing on your legs, and I think you should put clean clothes over that. What size do you wear?” Virgil stops applying ointment to his leg, shocked by Roman’s random outburst.

“Wha-” Roman knocks on the door a moment later.

“Okay so Logan is taller than I am, so I grabbed some of his stuff from the closet. Don’t worry, I messaged him and he said it was fine. I’ll leave it out here for when you’re done.”

“Thanks, Ro. I shouldn’t be too much longer,” Virgil says, returning his attention to his leg.

Ten minutes later, Virgil emerges from the bathroom in a pair of light grey sweatpants, bandages up his arms. Roman picks up the extra roll of bandages and walks over.

“Ready for me to wrap your torso?” Virgil nods, holding his arms up so Roman can walk around him. After wrapping Virgil’s torso, Roman directs Virgil to a bed.

“Ice time?”

“Ice time.” Roman collects several ice packs, carrying them over to Virgil and placing them carefully over his chest, neck, and face. Roman plops down on his bed and turns the television on. 

“So, how long do I have to keep the ice on?”

“Twenty minutes, then I’ll take it off and put them back in the freezer for an hour or so. Opinions on Disney movies?”

“They’re cool. Andy doesn’t like them, I haven’t seen one since we met. My favorite was _Black Cauldron_.”

“Are you cool if we watch some movies today, then? Logan won’t be back until right before curfew, and I know you have a full class schedule on Fridays. Logan can pick stuff up for you.”

“Yeah, movies sound good. I have to visit Terrence at five, though.”

“Movies it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof this took too long to write. I really didn’t mean for Prinxiety to happen in any capacity today, let alone for it to be so prevalent. Roman and Virgil just took over after the first few hundred words. Can you guys tell me if this is a good chapter length, or should I aim higher/lower?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus had quite the day on Thursday, what with meeting a new client and missing a call he really needed to answer. Filling your gas tank has never been so interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought Janus and Remus were friends???  
> Chapter warnings: Non-con, abusive behaviour, dissection/organ discussion (squirrel, frog mentioned)

_ Thursday, October 19 _

“I’m late, fuck,” Janus mutters, pulling the trigger on the gas nozzle. He checks his watch every few seconds, moving quickly when his tank is full. Pulling his wallet from the cup holder, he walks inside to wait in the absurdly long line to pay.

Ten minutes later, Janus finally reaches the front of the line. He pays for his gas and the bag of Twin Snakes he picked up while he was waiting. The interaction goes quickly, and he walks out with his candy and receipt.

Janus returns to his car, banging his head on the steering wheel. He turns the key and drives off, checking his clock as he goes.

“God, he’s not going to pay me,” Janus mutters, pressing slightly more on the gas. Ten minutes pass, and he’s almost to his exit when he hears a rustling noise.

“Hey, where are we?” Janus swerves, earning three indignant honks from other drivers and a screech from the man in the backseat.

“Jesus  _ fuck _ who are you?!” Janus shouts after he corrects himself.

“Oh, I’m Remus.”

“Okay, why the  _ fuck _ are you in my car?” Janus checks the mirror and his eyes widen in shock at the sight that greets him. He turns quickly to glance at Remus to make sure his eyes aren’t deceiving him. They aren’t. A tanned man in leather, decked in necklaces and piercings with a bright green mohawk is, in fact, sitting in his backseat. Remus raises a hand in a wave.

“I was running from my friend Mitchell, I pissed him off by calling his friend a whale penis. I didn’t  _ mean _ to, I just- Yeah. And your car was unlocked so I jumped in and locked the doors and then you got in and I figured you probably were less dangerous than Mitchell so here we are,” Remus says in one breath, looking out the window.

“I-” Janus checks his clock and swears. “I don’t have time for this bullshit. Look, I’m running late to a tutoring session. I don’t have time to drop you off anywhere, looks like you’re coming with me. My name is Janus, by the way.”

“Okay, I mean my roommate doesn’t want me back yet anyway, so.”

“At least you’re entertaining,” Janus mutters.

“Did you know Mount Everest has over two hundred dead bodies on it? They’re used as waypoints for climbers.”

“Jesus Christ.”

* * *

They pull up to the little coffee shop that Janus and Virgil had decided on yesterday. Janus hops out of the car and turns to look at Remus.

“Are you coming in or do you want to stay in the car?” Janus asks. Remus lights up, opening the door and climbing out. And he just keeps coming out of the car. Once he’s standing upright, he stands over a foot taller than Janus. Janus looks up at his face and down to the ground.

“Like what you see?”

“You’re so fucking tall, why are you wearing platform shoes?”

“Oh, I like the noises they make,” Remus says, jumping up and down to show off the clattering sounds.

“You’re going to break something, Remus!”

“Nah, I’ve had these for a year and haven’t injured myself yet. Let’s go in, though, you’re running late.” Remus opens the door and ushers Janus into the shop. They look around, Remus spotting Virgil and pointing him out after getting Janus’ attention.

“Okay, you need to chill a little though, the impression I’ve gotten from Virgil is that he’s fairly timid. Don’t freak him out too much, I’ll buy you lunch after the session.” Remus nods and fiddles with the bracelets on his wrist. They walk over and sit in the open side of the booth, introducing themselves to Virgil. Janus is relieved that Remus doesn’t tell Virgil that he broke into his car, especially since Virgil seems just as timid as Janus thought he would be.

Janus does his best to ease Virgil’s worries, but he can see Virgil tensing every time anyone moves. He speaks softly, matching Virgil’s tone to the best of his ability. Remus stays relatively quiet, but does have the occasional outburst.

Virgil shows him what he needs help with, though he seems ashamed of needing help. Remus interrupts them a few more times throughout the session, but seems mostly occupied by his phone and doodling away in a sketchbook.

* * *

They work on function graphs for the rest of the session, with Remus only butting in a few more times. Virgil seems to relax the longer they sit, even cracking a few jokes or snarking back at Remus when Remus makes innuendos. That is, until his phone buzzes.

Virgil leaves in a rush, knocking the table with his bag as he stands. Janus takes in Virgil’s height as he leaves, and Remus nudges him with an elbow.

“I’d climb that, how about you?” Janus squints at him.

“Dude. No.”

“Wait, are you straight? You don’t give off the straight vibe, Jan.”

“Remus, I’m very much in a heterosexual relationship.”

“Oh. My bad. Sorry for assuming.”

“It’s fine,” Janus lies. He can feel his heart aching upon insisting he’s straight and that he’s okay being with Lauren, but it’s what his parents want and they’re the ones paying his tuition. He doesn’t want to risk anyone finding out and the word getting back to them. Janus stands and directs Remus to the door. “We should get going, your roommate is probably wondering where you are.”

“I mean, he probably isn’t but we can go if you’re ready,” Remus says, opening the driver’s door and bowing, sweeping his arm out.

“You cheesy motherfucker,” Janus laughs, climbing into the car. Remus closes the door and opens the back door. “You can sit in the front, Remus. I would’ve let you earlier but I didn’t have time to pull over.”

“Wait, seriously? You don’t mind if I sit up here with you?”

“No, I obviously mind  _ so much _ . Why would I mind if you were in the front with me?” Remus snorts, but closes the back door and walks around to the passenger’s door.

“Most people don’t let me in the front with them.” Janus turns to look at Remus.

“Huh. Their loss. I think you’re pretty cool. Funny, too.” Remus smiles.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Janus says, turning back to the wheel and starting the car. He backs out of the space and drives out of the parking lot.

“In 1977 the average life expectancy in Cambodia was just under nineteen years.”

“Thanks. Where do you want to eat?”

* * *

“You know, this place is pretty nice. You have good taste, in restaurants and in cars,” Janus says, looking up from his menu and making eye contact with Remus.

“Thanks. Most people don’t think so, but they never let me choose so they don’t really know.” Remus fiddles with his bracelets.

“Your friends don’t seem very nice.”

“They’re nice when I’m sad, I guess. Quiet and sedate. Like my parents-” Remus is cut off by a waitress bouncing over to their table.

“Hello, I’m Valerie! I’ll be your server for today! Can I get you anything to drink?” she asks.

“I’ll take a tea, thanks.” Valerie turns to Remus.

“Coke, please.”

“Any starters?” Janus looks to Remus and raises an eyebrow.

“Calamari and garlic cheese knots?” Valerie jots down the order and nods.

“I’ll have that right out for you!”

“What were you saying, Remus?” Janus asks after Valerie leaves. Remus shrugs.

“Something that’s a little bit too personal, all things considered. Did you know butterflies taste with their hind feet?”

“Oh? I didn’t know that, that’s fascinating.”

“Snails can have twenty-five thousand teeth.”

“Wow. Where do you learn all these facts?”

“I always really liked learning, and would read every textbook I could get my hands on. I have a good memory.”

“That’s really cool. Any idea what we should order?”

“American veggie?”

“Oh yeah, I saw that. It looks good, good choice,” Janus says, flipping his menu closed and extending his hand for Remus’.

“You know, you’re really nice, Jan. A lot nicer than Mitchell.”

“Well I should hope I’m not mean enough to make you have to run and break into someone’s car.”

“You’re still upset about that?”

“Nah, I left it unlocked, I’m just glad it was you and not a murderer.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m not a murderer,” Remus laughs. Janus chuckles at him, rolling his eyes.

“Well, I guess I’ll just  _ hope _ you’re not a murderer,” Janus says. Remus snorts. Valerie returns with their drinks and appetizers, setting them down and whipping out her notepad.

“Do you guys know what you want for your entrees?” she asks, pen at the ready.

“We’ll take an American veggie,” Janus says, handing Valerie their menus. She nods and heads off to the kitchen.

“You know, this is the most fun I’ve had since I was fifteen,” Remus says quietly. “It’s been rough since V moved out of the house. He was a hoot when we weren’t working. I miss him. And Ro,” he trails off.

“Remus?” Remus shakes his head, looking at Janus.

“Must be a level five friend to unlock tragic backstory,” Remus mutters, shifting his gaze away again.

“Oh. That’s fair, I wouldn’t share my tragic backstory yet either. Maybe we can stick around with each other long enough to unlock our tragic backstories, yeah?”

“Maybe,” Remus snorts. “Did you know almonds are in the same family as peaches?”

* * *

After a fantastic lunch and lots of very strange conversation on every topic under the sun, Janus drops Remus off at his dormitory with his phone number and a promise to keep in touch. He heads back to his dorm, where he sees Patton sweeping.

“What are you- I swept this morning?” Janus cocks his head, dropping his bag onto the armchair closest to the door.

“Oh. I was just a little nervous, you got a phone call from Lauren that seemed important. Does she not have your phone number?”

“She does, I don’t know why she didn’t call me, probably clicked the wrong number,” Janus mutters.  _ You know why she didn’t call you. She likes making sure you can’t be exactly where she wants when she wants because she gets to hit you afterward.  _ Janus snaps out of his thoughts, countering them.  _ No, she just clicked the wrong number. It’s fine, no need to worry. _

“Ah, makes sense. You should probably go see her, though. She was a little angry when I said you were out.” Janus sighs, picking his bag up and heading out.

“Okay. Well. Bye, I guess. I’ll be back when I can get here,” Janus says, closing the door softly and walking to his car. He puts his key in the car door and opens it, climbing in and driving to Lauren’s apartment.

When he arrives, he knocks on apartment 401’s door, knowing that he’ll be yelled at soon.

“Come on in, it’s open!” Janus pushes the door open, slipping his shoes off and placing them in the closet with his bag. He walks into the living room, where Lauren is sitting on the couch on her phone.

“Hi, Lauren. I’m sorry I missed your call earlier, I had-”

“No excuses! You don’t care about me! You only care about yourself! That’s why I have to fix you! Why your parents set us up! You only care about yourself!” she shouts, throwing her phone onto the couch. Janus shrinks back, hoping it will make her happier. It does not.

“Lauren, I’m sorry, I-”

“No! You’re just a fucking mistake like your parents said! I should break up with you, you don’t love me!”

“I do love you, I swear!”

“You’re only with me because you want my money!”  _ That’s bullshit, but okay. _

“Baby, no-” Lauren grabs a book off the table and hurls it at Janus. He dodges out of the way, breathing a sigh of relief when it clatters to the floor behind him.

“Come over here so we can talk,” she says, and Janus steps cautiously towards her. She grabs him by his sweater and pulls him to her, pressing a hard kiss to his lips. He steels himself under the bruising force, hoping she doesn’t leave marks this time. She notices that he’s not reciprocating and reaches up to knot her hands into his hair. He whimpers, and Lauren pulls him onto the couch.

“Honey, show me you love me,” she whispers, reaching for his pants.

“Yes, ma’am,” Janus says, thinking of anything but what’s happening.  _ Why is it that every time I come over this happens. At least this time she told me before she started, I suppose _ .

Lauren unbuttons his slacks, and Janus puts his hand on hers.

“How about we just kiss today, okay?”

“You know it’s abuse not to sleep with me when I want to, right? You’re abusive, Janus. I should turn you in for domestic abuse.” Janus shrinks back, folding and letting her do as she pleases.

_ Maybe I can go home tonight _ .

* * *

_ Friday, October 20 _

When Janus wakes up, Lauren has trashed his small closet. His clothes and shoes are scattered about, his backpack upended and contents strewn across the hallway.

“Oh good, you’re awake. Clean up your shit, you left it everywhere.” Janus nods numbly and collects his things, reorganizing the closet while he’s at it.

“I’ve picked everything up, Lauren.”

“Good. Now get the fuck out of my house you fucking scumbag.” Janus walks silently out the front door, taking his bag and slipping his shoes on outside. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and only then realizes he’s shaking. He unlocks his phone and texts Remus.

> _ Hey it’s me, Janus  _ 6:08 AM

_ > I know it’s early, but I need somewhere to stay for a little bit  _ 6:09 AM

A response comes quickly, though it is a bit difficult to comprehend.

> _ eheyvnsn cijmoenb over i donr. njbd  _ 6:10 AM

> _ is sbkdugt sosme ju did ie idby youd wna few soen whiken yours hered  _ 6:10 AM

Janus, though confused, gets into his car and drives to Remus’ dormitory. He shoots Remus a message to ask for the room number, but doesn’t get a response. Walking into the lobby, he is met with a disgruntled Remus wearing nothing but a pair of red boxers with little cartoon knives on them.

“Good morning, Remus,” Janus says, waving a hand in front of Remus’ face. Remus doesn’t respond, just turns around and walks back towards the stairs. Janus’ eyes widen and he grabs Remus by the arm, steering them towards the elevator instead.

“The… The stairs are, uh, tha’ way?” Remus slurs, pointing over his shoulder towards the stairwell.

“Yes, but I doubt you could use the stairs so we’re taking the elevator instead. What floor?”

“Uh, three. Room 308. No one’s there, just me. And you now, I guess,” Remus says, seeming to wake up a little.

“Fantastic. Mind telling me what your message was about? I got the first one, but the second didn’t make sense.”

“Oh. Bought some juice yesterday. You can have some.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks. Why was that the first thing you thought to tell me?”

“I dunno, saw an empty glass by my phone. Probably that.” Remus holds up a wallet.

“What’s that?”

“M’ phone.”

“That’s a wallet, bud.”

“Oh. Where’s my phone?” Remus asks, patting himself down.

“It’s not on your person, you’re not wearing any clothes.”

“Wait, I’m  _ what _ ?”

“You’re only wearing your boxers, did you mean to put on clothes?”

“Huh? Oh, no. I just thought I had on a pair of shorts at least. Don’t care that I don’t but at least I know they didn’t change the temperature.”

“Oh.” The elevator dings and they walk out, Janus following Remus to room 308. Remus unlatches the door, pushing it open to reveal a remarkably disorganized room.

“Ignore the dissected squirrel, I found it dead outside and wanted to know about the insides.”

“My God, you would get along splendidly with my roommate’s boyfriend. He loves learning new things. Very hands-on with his learning, too.”

“I’d love to meet him. You look rough, dude, what happened?”

“I missed a call from my girlfriend and had to make up for it. She was a lot nicer than usual, though. Told me what was going to happen before it happened.”

“That’s… A terrifying answer. I’m really sorry you had to deal with that, Jan. Do you want a hug or do you want to go sleep, whatever makes you feel safest? I can even head out, there’s an open shift I can go cover if you want space to yourself.” Janus scratches his neck, considering.

“Can you just tell me about something you’re studying? I can feel myself freaking out, and I want to avoid a full-blown attack.”

“Sure thing. I was studying the squirrel bits, if you want to hear about that.” Janus nods, so Remus goes to collect the small containers of squirrel bits.

“You really went all out with your dissection, didn’t you.”

“Yeah.” Remus holds up a box. “This is the heart. It’s kinda small but nowhere near as tiny as the bladder, which is in” - Remus pauses, shuffling the boxes - “this box right here,” he says, holding up a box with a tiny organ in it. “Oh! I have some gloves if you want to hold them so you can look.” Janus nods. Remus disappears into the bathroom.

A moment later, Remus returns with two pairs of gloves, handing one pair to Janus and putting the other pair on himself.

“Okay, so this is the heart.” Remus opens the box and hands the heart to Janus, who squints at it, turning it over in his fingers.

“Fascinating.”

“It really is. The smallest organ I have is the bladder, at slightly under twenty millimeters in size. The largest is either the stomach or the large intestine. Wanna see those?” Janus shrugs, holding out the heart. Remus puts the heart back in its box, pulling two different boxes from the stack. He holds out one of the boxes, explaining that it’s the stomach, and dumping the content into Janus’ hands. Remus opens the other box and pulls out intestines, dangling them in the air.

“It’s astonishing how well preserved these are, any idea how the squirrel died?” Remus nods.

“I think it might have been poisoned by something, not sure what though. I’d have to do lab work to figure it out, which would mean explaining to at least one professor what I’m doing.”

“How did you preserve the squirrel without going to a lab?”

“Oh, I had formaldehyde in the cabinet under the sink. Opened a window and just went to work.” Janus’ eyes widen.

“You just  _ had _ formaldehyde in your dorm?” Remus shrugs. “ _ Why? _ ”

“I figured if one of my roommates died I could save a step for the funeral home.”

“That’s a very morbid reason but I guess I see your point.”

“Exactly. If only my old roommates realized that.”

“What happened to your “old roommates” exactly?” Remus points over Janus’ shoulder. Janus turns to see a morningstar hanging from a hook by the door. He turns back to Remus and raises an eyebrow.

“I didn’t kill them, I was pointing at the door.”

* * *

After a thorough examination of the squirrel organs, Remus directs their attention to the television. He picks up the remote, passing it to Janus, and sets to work moving things off of the coffee table. The couch is surprisingly clear considering the disarray of the room, but the table is covered in textbooks, organ boxes, teeth, and bones.

“Ignore these organs, they’re from a frog I dissected last week, someone wanted the organs for a lecturer. They’re preserved too, don’t worry.” Janus nods and sits on the couch, flicking the TV on.

“Any input on what we watch?” Remus shrugs, absorbed in his clearing of the table. Janus flips through Netflix, landing on a documentary series that Remus must have been watching. “ _ Round Planet _ sound good?” Remus nods, carrying the organ boxes to the fridge and setting the textbooks on a bookshelf. He plops down next to Janus, kicking his feet up onto the freshly cleared table.

“Oh cool I love this series!” Remus exclaims when the title sequence starts. Janus raises an eyebrow but chooses not to question Remus.

Remus falls asleep fairly quickly, evidently not used to being awake so early. Janus looks around the dorm, his eyes falling on the extremely cluttered bed. It hardly looks like anyone else lives here, and Janus wonders if Remus actually does have a roommate.

Janus gets up, looking to find the bathroom, and steps on a paper that crinkles as he moves his foot. He looks down, picking it up and glancing over it quickly.

_ Remus, you should have known no one could stay here. I know I won’t be the last person to move out, but I really will miss you. You were fun in small doses, but I couldn’t live with you, especially since your episodes last so long. Two weeks was too much, I haven’t slept since I moved in unless you were in class. I hope this note finds you well. Sincerely, Mike _

_ Episodes? _ Janus thinks, scanning the note again. He sets it back down, walking to the bathroom quietly. The bathroom is fairly clean, save for the green-stained shower, a basket of clothes, and the razor blades by the sink. Janus wants to say something, but he knows he can’t. He’d be a hypocrite if he did.

He walks back out, getting some juice from the fridge before returning to the couch. Remus is snoring softly, and Janus smiles at him.  _ I think he might be one of those ‘good ones’ I keep hearing about… _

* * *

“Did you know there was a form of torture called goat’s tongue where they soaked someone’s feet in saltwater and let a goat lick the feet until their flesh was gone.”

“That, my friend, was a horrifying thing to wake up to.” Remus grins, holding up a tongue.

“Goat’s tongue. I found it in the back of the fridge. Made me think of it,” he says. Janus rolls his eyes and gets off the couch. Remus reaches out to touch Janus with the tongue, but Janus dodges him.

“No, don’t touch me with that! It’s dead!”

“You weren’t complaining about the squirrel bits, Jan.”

“I didn’t touch those,” Janus exclaims. Remus frowns dramatically, but puts the tongue back into its box, placing the box back in the fridge. Janus shakes his head and walks towards the bookshelf.

“Oh, the books are organized by subject!” Remus says, reorganizing his organ fridge. Janus looks at the stacks of textbooks, the subjects varying from biology to physics to engineering. He picks up a psychology textbook, flipping through and reading the annotations.

“Did you annotate these?” Remus peeks around the corner with a smile.

“Yep! I have more, but they’re in storage right now. I bought them all from this really cheap discount site, that stack was forty dollars.” Janus looks at the stack of eight books incredulously.

“Really?” Remus nods. “Holy shit.”

“I know, right? My entire collection was about four grand, I have about a thousand. They have sales occasionally, so I’ll spend hundreds in one go and get a whole bunch of books.” Janus reads more of the annotations, his shock growing.

“You’re extremely intelligent, Remus, has anyone ever told you that? I’ve been studying psychology since I was fourteen, and I didn’t know half of the stuff you have written down here.”

“I just really like reading and learning new things. It means I can make new, more complex ideas.”

“You really would get along with Patton’s boyfriend. He’s quadruple majoring.”

“Woah, really?”

“Yeah. In astrophysics, chemical engineering, physics, and biology, I think. Plus he has a few minors because he says the best way to become amazing in your field is to incorporate other fields into your own.”

“I’m majoring in chemical engineering too, actually. I thought it looked interesting when I was signing up.”

“I’m majoring in psych, I want to be a therapist. Help others in a way I needed when I was a kid, you know?” Remus nods.

“Yeah, I get it. You’re pretty chill, I could have used a therapist like you as a kid. Hey, wanna help me taxidermy this dead bird I found on the fire escape while you were sleeping?”

“Lead the way, Remus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a lot faster, though I did make a lot of changes to the pre-existing plot lines. Oh well. There is some fluff sometimes, just not a lot.  
> Feel free to comment, it's encouraged! (Ngl they make me write faster because I channel feelings when I write)  
> Also, I have a Discord server, feel free to join! All are welcome!!! https://discord.gg/9jruh5q  
> Hope to see you there!


	3. Announcement

Hey guys. I'm really sorry for not updating on Wednesday, some things came up and I wasn't able to finish the chapter. I was planning on posting it soon but the things haven't gone away yet.

This is also me announcing a hiatus. I have a lot of things to get done for multiple works that I should have done long before publishing that are coming back with a vengeance. 

I'm not in a great place and lots of things are going on, but I hope to be back to posting and back on schedule by the middle of September. I will update you all if anything changes.

I'm really sorry for the lack of warning, but I wanted to let you all know I haven't forgotten about or abandoned this work, and I hope to come back soon.


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